BREAKING
NEWS - £1,999,999 A BOTLLE!
NEW
MOST EXPENSIVE RECESSION PROOF SCOTCH EVER TO BE LAUNCHED
IN SEPTEMBER, FETCHES 99.9 POINTS |
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From
the heart of Speyside comes this new expression of one of
the world's most intriguing single malt whiskies. Aged for
exactly 100 years by three generations of dedicated craftsmen
the whisky has lain undisturbed in our oldest and finest
palletised warehouses and has now finally been deemed ready
for bottling. Presented at natural cask strength of 40°
alcohol and bottled without filtration in the finest hand
blown decanters made from the glass of the distillery’s
old spirit safes.
Of course it is not easy to create a whisky of such elegance.
Over the years the whisky has been carefully monitored and
cared for. The potential of this spirit was detected when
it was a mere 50 years old, luckily enough this coincided
with the invention of cling film and through careful stock
management this whisky has been nurtured to a full century.
Only bottled when our master ear judged it a sound dram.
We understand a product with such high provenance will be
truly desirable and at such an alluring price who would
not be tempted? As is well known the doors of our distillery
have been closed to the public for many years and the industry
is alive with speculation and intrigue as to our techniques
and practices. That’s why to mark the release of such
a historic bottling we are offering five lucky people the
chance to take a tour and tasting with our elusive and legendary
manager Richard McEwan. These places are to be allocated
to anyone fortunate enough to buy one of the five bottles
containing a gold cork, could you be a lucky holder of the
golden bung? Also for a limited time only all bottles will
come with a complimentary Aston Martin V8 Vantage available
in either Golden Promise Amber or Oloroso Sunset with a
bonded aluminium structure and Spanish oak dash fashioned
from the casks of this legendary vintage. Our master ear
has personally selected models with the finest engine note
to match this whisky.
This bottling will be officially launched in a special ceremony
at the British Embassy in Paris next month. Among the many
distinguished guests will be honorary master ear, HRH Prince
Charles. All casks listened to by his HRH on the day will
be auctioned at the evening’s dinner, the proceeds
of which will go to aid the plight of the Speyside Gardener's
Association.
This is undoubtedly a whisky of great olfactory significance
so we have invited the well-known whisky expert Angus W.
Apfelstrudel, Jr*. to scribe our official tasting notes. |
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Gaze upon The GlenWonka's amazingly
deep, rich amber colour |
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Coming with the bottle: a magnificent
pewter tumbler made by Christofle of Paris |
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Also this superb tartan scarf proudly
bearing The GlenWonka's embroidered logo. |
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| Complimentary
Aston Martin V8 Vantage
(here in Golden Promise Amber) |
| The
GlenWonka 100 years old 1909 40% Single Malt Scotch Whisky
(Suggested Retail Price £1,999,999**) |
| N.
SWEET VISHNU! Never have I encountered such a swirling,
vibrant interplay of oak and malt at such immense age. The
fruit glimmers like the tail feathers of a frightened peacock
disappearing into a dark forest of European oak. There is
spice also, I am returned to my long summers as a child
working the street markets of Bombay, ahh olfactory nostalgia
of the highest order. There are even whiffs of the pre-war
sense of foreboding and apprehension that pervaded the world
of 1909 into which this magnificent spirit was spawned. |
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P.
Now we’re getting down to it. Reminds me of all the
women I’ve ever seduced rolled into one and finished
with a fine Cuban. It dances a true ballet on the palate,
engaging all parts of the tongue. Rich notes of leather
upholstery, old copies of National Geographic sat for decades
in a private school's headmaster's study all rounded off
with a deft flutter of the silkiest tannins. Makes me pine
for the great lost Speyside character of old that I was
proud to turn the world's attention to many summers past.
Such complexity for the age, like spending an evening with
Winston Churchill in a whirlwind of whispering smoke and
well stewed fruits.
F. No finish on this baby, finishes end,
God's got some thinking to do as this old beauty redefines
eternity. WOW! An orgasmic tsunami of peat that peaks and
seems to fade like the lingering memories of the finest
Brazilian hookers, warm and spicy but with bite. A truly
memorable drinking experience, on a par with the Uigeadail
for Canada but it even eclipses that wild warhorse in the
end.
B. Well what can I say? I was hoping for
something special but this takes the piss. I'm so glad I
came up with the idea of using peat to dry the barley otherwise
whisky production might not have been sustained through
those delicate pre-war years and this bottling might never
have been. As it stands this bottling has done me proud.
99.9 points
(would have been higher were it not for a faint whiff of
bullshit) |
*
The latest edition of Angus Apfelstrudel’s acclaimed
Whisky Tora is in shops now featuring over 375,000 new entries.
** The GlenWonka 100 years old is an extremely limited
edition of only five decanters for the entire world
and will be available at The Whisky Exchange (London),
Loch Fyne Whiskies (Inveraray), Royal Mile Whiskies (Edinburgh),
La Maison du Whisky (Paris), Park Avenue Liquors (New York),
Potstill (Vienna), Whisky-e Ltd (Tokyo), World of Whiskies
(Heathrow Airport), The Nectar (Zolder), Van Zuylen (The
Hague) and Malt Rarities (Limburg). |
| The
GlenWonka is a Yu Wan
Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries And Polymer Injection
Group brand. Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries
And Polymer Injection Group consider that whisky is for
drinking and do not encourage speculation. Please follow
us on Twitter. Please join
us on Facebook. Please watch
our videos on Youtube. Please buy
our other fine products. Please attend our masterclasses.
Please read our blog (work in progress.) Please follow our
updates on Plurk, Zing, Boomf, Bang, Strumpf, Zing, Woosh,
Zwish, Proost and Slime. Please check our announcements
on any new digital services that have yet to be invented.
Please do not visit our distillery while wearing shorts,
white socks, sandals or our competitors' T-shirts. Please
remember that orange and yellow do not go well together.
Please don't park your mobile homes in front of the warehouses'
entrances. Please don't smoke spliffs in the still house.
Please remember that jerrycans are forbidden in the filling
station. Please don't just buy miniatures, Celtic jewelry,
bagpipe CDs or fudge in the visitor's centre. Please put
our Distillery only bottlings on eBay using your iPhone
as soon as you're out of the visitor's centre but please
always put a reserve price that's at least 1.5 times higher
than our shop price. Please don't cook Indian food on the
parking place in front of our highly acclaimed Old Worm
Coil Café. Thank you, together we'll make Scotland
a better world. |
| For
more information about The GlenWonka, the Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated
Salvage Fisheries And Polymer Injection Group or Angus W.
Apfelstrudel, Jr, please contact Mrs Dearbhfhorghaill Yuan,
Keep It Stupid PR, Suite 23745127, Building 9, 2918 North
Zhongshan Rd, Shanghai, 200063, The People's Republic of
China. |
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